Recollection
by detectivecaz
Summary: Memories are like jewels, each one is precious as the next. However, once those memories are taken away, what becomes of us. For Bond and M, they are about to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **_I started this early in the morning, it wouldn't leave me, but not too sure if i should continue with it. _

_Set after QOS, but before Skyfall. Will put a tissue warning just in case. _

**_"Memories warm you from the inside. But they also tear you apart." ~ Haruki Murakami_**

* * *

M stood looking out of the window in her office, watching as the rain cascaded down the glass. It had been exactly one month since she had lost James, the guilt still sat heavily in her heart that she had sent him on that mission in the first place. She never gave up hope since she lost contact with him, that he would walk through her door with that insufferable grin on his face. The days turned into weeks and the weeks eventually turned into a month, she knew what she had feared. He wouldn't be returning to her, despite his promise that he would.

"Ma'am."

She turned to Tanner's hesitant voice and noticed him standing behind her with a few folders in his arms.

"Yes Tanner?"

Tanner didn't need to be psychic to know she was thinking about the loss of Bond. He couldn't believe it himself, he didn't want to believe it, but the fact of the matter was, he wasn't coming back no matter how much she wanted him to.

"I have the files of agents who would be suitable candidates to fill the 007 post."

M stood there knowing that she would have to replace him eventually, but it was too soon.

"Can't it wait a few more weeks, I've got enough files to be getting along with, without having to look at applicant files!" The excuse sounded pathetic even to her own ears.

"M it's been a month, it's time you moved on. You can't keep going on like this, it isn't healthy."

"You think I don't know that! I've tried to let him go, believe me, but it's not as easy as snapping your fingers."

Tanner tried to avoid this confrontation with her as long as possible, but he couldn't stand to see the guilt eat away at her when she was just doing her job.

"I know you cared for him, Ma'am, and that he meant a great deal to you, but do you really think he would want you to go on like this?"

She knew Tanner was right, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"What he would want me to do is no concern of yours!"

"It is. Before he left, he told me to look after you. Well, I intend to keep that promise Ma'am, whether you like it or not."

"I can look after myself! I suppose he told you we were lovers as well then did he?"

Tanner stood there stunned.

"I take it from the look on your face you didn't! So now you understand why I'm finding it hard to let go. If it were Eve, you would be acting the same way."

"I had no idea. I mean I knew you cared for him. How long were you both together?"

M sat down behind her desk, and looked up to Tanner.

"Two years tomorrow." She could feel a lump in the back of her throat, but she refused to let her tears spill in front of her chief of staff. She didn't need or want his pity.

Tanner took his own seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. It all started to make sense as to why she was acting the way she was, and rightly so considering it was not only that someone was her agent, but someone who she had an intimate relationship with. He decided the files could wait, and regretted even mentioning them to her.

"I apologise for my insensitivity Ma'am. I'm here if you ever need to talk."

"I appreciate that Tanner, and as for the apology you didn't know."

Tanner knew it was taking her all her will power not to break down. He wondered who would be there to help her through her grief. Her children had lost contact with her through the years from what he had gathered and she lost her husband four years ago. The only person, who could help her through this, was the one person who as causing her to grieve.

"Why don't you come round to Eve's and mines tonight for dinner? It may do you good to get away from the office and your apartment for a few hours at least."

"Thank you for the offer, but I wouldn't want to impose on you both."

"Eve has just been as worried about you as I have. It will put her mind at ease knowing you are somewhat okay and I intend to keep that promise to Bond. Christ knows the man will probably come to haunt me if I don't."

M gave her first real smile in weeks at the thought. It would probably be something James would do as well knowing him.

"All right, I'll take you up on your offer, but only if Eve agrees as well. The last thing I want is to cause a tiff between you both."

"She'll be fine with it, but I'll let you know her answer."

Tanner stood up and made his way to the exit of her office, taking the files with him.

"Tanner, you've forgotten to leave the files."

Tanner turned to look at the files in his arms, and then turned to look at M.

"They can wait."

She didn't have to say anything, her eyes told him all that he needed.

"Call me if you need anything Ma'am."

"You're a good man Tanner. Eve is lucky to have you."

Tanner gave her a small smile and left.

Once she is sure her door is closed, she let the few tears that were building in her eyes to escape. Reaching into the top drawer of her desk, she brought out the photo frame that she kept there and traced the glass with her fingers.

She gave a watery smile at the photo of the two of them smiling at the camera; care free without the worry of this job on their shoulders. James had her in a loving embrace, with his head resting between her neck and shoulder. The thought of not feeling his arms around her again caused the dam to burst and she had to bring a hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs. It was the first time since she lost him that she allowed her tears to flow.

Her crying lasted a few moments, as she thought about everything that occurred between them in the last two years that they were together. From their first date to the first time they made love. The memories came like a whirlwind one after the other, flashing before her eyes. She finally managed to get her emotions under control and compose herself to her boss facade, staring once more lovingly at the picture then replacing it back in her desk drawer.

One thing she learned from James was to trust her instincts, and her own instincts and her heart were telling her that he was still alive. Until she saw his body, she would refuse to believe otherwise. If she had to carry out her own investigation to find him then she would. Dead or alive, she would be bringing him home.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**** I started writing this chapter a few weeks ago, but hit major writers block until this morning. Chapter two is finally complete. I'm unsure of it as it sounded better in my head. **

**I truly apologise for the delay in updates, my muse has been jumping back and forth between fics so it's taking longer for me to complete a chapter. I do intend to have all of these WIP completed though. Thank you to everyone who has been patient i really appreciate it. :)**

**Now for the chapter, Hope you enjoy my dears :)**

* * *

James awoke to find himself in a king size bed, his arms around the body of the woman next to him. The first rays of morning light shone through the blinds illuminating the room in a soft glow.

Something didn't feel right. Pulling himself into an upright position, he looked around the room, noticing that everything looked normal in his eyes at least.

The woman stirred next to him and he looked towards her. Her blue eyes caught his and she gave him a loving smile, which immediately turned to worry when she saw the confusion on his face.

"James, what's wrong?" The voice stirred in his mind, it was a voice he hadn't heard in almost six years.

"How are you alive? This can't be real." James quickly got out of bed as if burnt.

"What do you mean how am I alive? You stopped LeChiffre and retired from MI6 after we started a relationship."

"We did, but that was six years ago, I put my trust in the wrong woman. You betrayed me then you killed yourself. So I'll ask you again, how are you alive?"

Vesper left the bed herself and made her way round to Bond.

"James you're scaring me. What's wrong with you?"

He gave out an insane hollow laugh "What's wrong with me? The fact that the woman who died years ago is currently standing in front of me with no explanation on how she manages to be here, and you're asking me what's wrong!"

His mind was racing; he needed the one person he trusted. He needed M. The name itself caused him to feel lighter and his heart race at the thought of her. He quickly looked around the room for his phone and could feel Vesper's eyes watching his every move.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for my phone, and then I'm calling M."

"Your old boss! What has she got to do with this?"

"Less of the old and she has everything to do with this! You mean nothing to me!"

"You don't mean that. Not after everything we've been through."

James ignored the heartbreak in her voice. She was a good actress he'll give her that, but he won't be fooled by her false facade not again. He finally found his phone only to notice he had no signal.

"James, come back to bed and I'll phone the doctor. You're clearly ill."

He was about to reply when he held his head in pain, and a second set of voices both male reached his ears.

**Underground Laboratory - Sienna**

"How is our patient?"

"He seems to be reacting well to the procedure. However, his current memories are too strong for the drug to be successful."

He stopped the machine as the aging man looked at the unconscious form of their patient in the chair.

"What memories do you have in that mind of yours?" He wondered aloud, before making a decision.

"Increase the dosage!"

"But sir, a higher dosage hasn't been tested. It could kill him."

"Do it! No doubt MI6 already think he is dead anyway. It will be a shame if he dies, he would be useful to us."

The doctor did what he was told, took the syringe and serum, and increased the dosage to 25ml. Finding a vein in his arm, he injected the needle and pushed the plunger releasing more of the drug into his body.

"Activate the machine to its fullest power, it's time our patient got some new modified memories."

The doctor pressed a few buttons on the console and the machine came back to life. Looking towards the monitor, he noticed the increased dosage was having the desired effect. His current memories were no more.

"It seems to have worked sir." He could hardly believe that his project was looking to be a success.

"Excellent. Now, input everything from this file into the console. It's time we brought down MI6 from the inside out."

The doctor took the file and his eyes widened when he scanned the scenario that the document contained.

"Problem Doctor?"

He shook his head and started to input everything contained in the document. He knew what they were doing was wrong, but he had worked hard on this development that he was determined to see it through right to the end. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into; all knew was if he followed orders, he was more likely to live to see another day.

**Bond's Mind**

As soon as the voices had started, they suddenly stopped. He let out a relieved sigh and leaned into Vesper's touch.

"I'm calling the doctor."

"No!" He reached out to stop her from moving. "I'm fine, I don't know what came over me."

She placed a kiss to her temple and held him close.

"What made you think I was dead?"

James had no idea. "It must have been a dream."

"Come on. I'll make us breakfast."

James felt Vesper's arms leave him as she made her way out of the room. He was confused as to what was happening with him. Maybe those blows to the head from his double 0 days were finally getting to him.

Not dwelling on it any longer, he followed after Vesper looking forward to the day that they had planned ahead. Walking into the kitchen he watched her movements as she moved around the kitchen, getting everything she needed. She looked beautiful as the sun reflected off her ivory skin and dark hair, and couldn't help but give a smile, before walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist placing small kisses on her neck.

"Keep doing that James and you won't get any breakfast."

"That would be a pity."

She let out a moan as his hands traced over her breasts lightly squeezing them as he did so.

"If you can behave until after breakfast, I may let you have desert early." She turned her head sideways to look at him.

"I think can manage that." He captured her lips in a deep kiss, his tongue exploring the soft, warm cavern of her mouth.

He let out a moan as she pulled away. "Now, go and sit at the table and let me get on with making the breakfast."

"Yes Ma'am."

He released her and moved over to the table and chairs, sitting down on one he continued to watch her. There were times he missed his job, but he couldn't deny he enjoyed his retired life, yet he couldn't help but feel that there was something missing, something big, but as soon as the thought came it was gone.

"What are you thinking about?"

Vesper asked, walking over to the table with a tray in her hands and placed it on the table in front of him.

"Nothing, just how I'm glad that I left my old life behind."

"I'm glad you are happy with your decision James."

"The pay was good, but..."

"But what?"

"Stay here!"

Vesper perplexed at the seriousness in his tone, watched as he made his way over to the window. He looked up and noticed the various MI6 choppers heading in their direction. He wondered what they would be doing all the way out here, unless M sent them, as to why she would he had no idea.

His eyes widened when the guns on the front of the chopper aimed at the house.

"James, will you just tell me what's wrong!"

No sooner had the words left her mouth; the sound of gunfire filled the air. He rushed to Vesper and pushed her down on the ground, with his body over hers. .

"Are you alright?!" He shouted at her over the gunfire, looking down at her.

She merely gave a nod too stunned to speak.

"We need to get out of here. Stay with me and stay low."

James looked for the quickest way out of the house, through the bullets that were destroying everything in their path. The gunfire suddenly stopped. Taking his chance, he grabbed vesper from the floor, keeping low and quickly as they could, made their way into the bedroom. He wouldn't chance the front door, they would take the back way.

Reaching the bedroom, James ran to the top drawer of the bedside cabinet and took out his gun, and placed it in the waistband of his trousers.

"Who are they James?"

"MI6."

Vesper stood there stunned. "Why are they attacking us?"

"That I don't know. Come on, we're getting out of here."

Making his over to the room window, he opened the veranda door, and looked around and saw the chopper still aimed at the front of the house. He was thankful there was only a small railing blocking their way. He quickly scooped up vesper and lifted her over the railing before vaulting over it himself. The two of them started to run in the direction away from the house, when they had to stop and pull back as they saw the agents in front of them.

Pulling out his gun and undoing the safety he put a finger to his lips as a motion that she should remain quiet. Looking around the corner, he could make out two agents talking into their earpiece. Not thinking twice he aimed his gun and fired two shots each hitting their mark and sending a bullet through each of the agents skulls.

Noticing their car, they start to run towards it. Smashing the window, he opens the door and all but pushes Vesper into the passenger seat, before making his way round to the drivers' side.

"Do you have keys?" Her tone laced with worry and nervousness she looked out the window for signs of any other agents.

"Who needs keys?"

Vesper watched as he skilfully removed the steering column and pulled out the access panels free. Grabbing the wires, he quickly connected them and the car came to life.

"Now you know why I prefer older models." He gave her a cocky grin and put his foot on the pedal, and drove off just as six agents caught sight of them and started to open fire.

"Where are we going?"

James kept his eyes on the road, looking for any sign of MI6.

"There's a town a few hours away. We'll head there, hopefully we will lose them, and we can go from there."

"We need cash and clothes James. We can't exactly run around in our sleepwear."

"Are you sure? Cause I wouldn't mind you running around wearing that."

His eyes, leaving the road for a split second to take in the sight of her short silk purple negligee that showed off her curves.

"Yes, well, I would prefer not to stand out like a sore thumb James."

"That's a pity, but you're right, we don't need the extra…"

He stopped mid sentence as he heard the sound of the chopper following them getting closer with each second. James puts the car to the fullest it would go, hoping to widen the distance between them.

"James! To your left!"

James looks out of the corner of his eye and sees the gun aiming for them. Quickly swerving the car, just in time as the gunfire erupted around them.

"They're really starting to piss me off!"

Swerving from side to side, he tried to avoid the bullets, a few ricocheting off the car. Reaching into the glove box with one hand, he pulled out a spare clip.

"Take the wheel!"

"What?!"

"I said take the wheel!"

Vesper not wasting any time does what she's told, as James removes the old clip replacing it with the new one and draws back the safety of the gun and rolls down the window, takes aim and starts to fire at the chopper.

"You really think that's going to do any damage?"

James ignored her, he knew it would not cause any damage, unless she had a better idea he did not see an alternative.

"Probably not, but it's the best we have!"

Vesper tried to keep the car on the road, swerving now and again to avoid them being hit by the bullets. She heard James curse and retook his position in the car, retaking the wheel. She held on to the dashboard as James would quickly turn in order to prevent them from being hit.

"We need to get off the road!" She was surprised at the calmness in her own voice considering they could be killed at any moment.

"You think!"

She looked towards each side of the road for another route, her eyes widening when she saw a side road not even a mile in front of them, It was mostly covered with trees on either side, which they could use to their advantage.

"James! Up ahead! Turn right!"

No sooner were the words out her mouth, she felt a sharp pain in her head then there was only darkness.

Not needing telling twice he quickly swerved to the right down the old dirt road, letting out a curse as a stray bullet hit one of the wheels causing James to fight to keep the car in control. He quickly looked over to Vesper to make sure she was all right, what he saw made his blood run cold.

She was slumped in her seat, her face directed towards him. Her brown eyes were wide open unseeing, a trail of blood ran down the side of her face from where the bullet had entered her skull instantly killing her.

He was so focused on Vesper he didn't see the Black Rover behind him until it rammed into the back of the car, causing him to fly forward, making the car steer off to the right as he lost control of the wheel. He quickly looked up and noticed a black audi heading towards him. He swerved the car to the left to avoid colliding with the unknown car.

The sound of branches hitting off the car filled his ears, all control was lost as the car now opted for a mind of its own, no matter how hard he tried to steer it. His eyes widened when he saw the tree in front of him. Seeing no alternative, he quickly slammed on the brakes trying to stop, it was no use. James braced himself as the car collided with the tree; the momentum caused him to smack his head off the wheel and the wind to be knocked out of him. He heard the sound of branches snapping close by, and tried to ignore the black spots that were in front of his eyes. He tried to turn his head slightly towards the noise, the movement caused him to become dizzy, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

Through the fog in his brain, he could make out a man in his late fifties. He struggled to hear what he was saying, his voice becoming fainter with each second his last thoughts were of the man and Vesper as he finally surrendered to the darkness.

**Underground Lab – Sienna**

"The scenario is completed, sir and was a success." The man couldn't believe his project had worked.

"Excellent, I think it's time we moved Mr Bond to more comfortable quarters don't you?"

James had no idea how much time had passed when he finally awoke, now realising that he was no longer in the car, but rather in a hospital bed. Sitting up, he felt the room spin at the sudden movement. Taking a few deep breaths, he finally looked around at his surroundings, noticing the room he was in was more or less plain the walls cream in colour were bare. The sound of the door opening caused him to become alert as he saw the same man enter who he saw after the crash.

"Finally awake, Mr Bond. How are you feeling?"

"How do you know my name?" He regarded the man in front of him warily.

"I know everything there is to know about you, Mr Bond; you see I have been watching you for sometime. When my men heard that MI6 had been sent to kill you, I put a plan in motion to help. However, I feared I was too late when I discovered that you had crashed."

"How long have I been out?"

"A month, my medical team felt it was prudent to keep you sedated until your injuries healed. Before you ask, you're in one of my medical facilities."

"Where's Vesper?"

James watched as the man's face flashed with regret as he moved towards one of the seats beside his bed.

"I'm afraid Vesper didn't make it. We found her in the car next to you with a bullet in her skull and various other injuries that occurred on impact due to the crash."

The image of Vesper's lifeless eyes staring at him flashed before his own and it took all of his will power not to scream at the loss of the woman he loved, had hoped to spend the rest of his life with and raise a family.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss, but I can help you."

"Help me how? Unless you can resurrect the dead, there is nothing you have that I want." He told the stranger through gritted teeth.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. How would you feel about getting revenge on MI6? You can't tell me you don't want to avenge the death of the woman you loved. They should be held accountable for what they have done."

James sat in silence, thinking over his words.

"Not to mention you would have given your life for Queen and Country to protect their secrets and this is how they repay you. If you join me I can help you, they also did the same to me. I lost my wife and two children to MI6 after M gave them orders to kill me, they were caught in the crossfire."

James saw the flash of pain flicker in his eyes and heard his voice break slightly as he mentioned his wife and kids.

"Let's say if I help you, what would you want me to do?"

"Bring down MI6 from the inside out, starting with M. You were an agent, you stay in the shadows if anyone can do this operation it's you. Once we gain access to their information we can expose them and bring them down once and for all."

The more he heard, the more the idea was becoming more appealing.

"And what about M? What do you want me to do with her?"

"Question her for everything she knows, if she is uncooperative, bring her to me and I will make sure she talks. Once I get the information I need we kill her. After all, it's her that calls the shots. Her agents may have killed Vesper, but it was M who pulled the trigger. Now do you really want her to live knowing she is the reason that you've lost everything?"

He kept seeing Vespers face in front of his mind, the image haunting him even as he closed his eyes. A few years back, he would have refused, but now he had nothing to lose.

"Alright, I'll help as long as I'm the one that gets to kill that cold hearted bitch no matter what happens."

"I think that can be arranged, Mr Bond."

He stood up and held out his hand for James to take to seal the deal. James quickly shook his hand before releasing it.

"I'll have someone bring you some clothes, and then we can get straight to business. You won't regret this."

James watched as the man turned and started to leave the room.

"I didn't catch your name."

The man stopped and turned, "You can call me Mr White." He told James giving him a smug smile.

"Welcome to Quantum, James Bond."


End file.
